Hello incredible professionals,
The previous blog brings us to a framework that has profoundly reshaped my understanding of human behavior and my approach to supporting children and families – the Polyvagal Theory.
I remember the first time I truly understood this perspective. I was working with a child who had been labeled “oppositional” and “non-compliant” by nearly every system he encountered. But through the polyvagal lens, I suddenly saw something completely different: a nervous system working overtime to create safety in a world that felt chronically threatening.
That shift in perception changed everything about my approach, and I’m excited to share this journey with you.
The Polyvagal Perspective: A Different Lens
Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory helps us understand that behavior is deeply rooted in our autonomic nervous system’s constant assessment of safety and danger – a process Porges calls “neuroception.”
Rather than seeing behavior as simply willful choices or learned responses, this theory invites us to recognize that our physiological state shapes everything about how we perceive and interact with the world.
Our nervous systems operate in three primary states:
- Ventral Vagal State (Safety & Connection)
When our nervous system detects safety, our ventral vagal complex activates, allowing us to:
- Engage socially with genuine connection
- Think flexibly and creatively
- Regulate our emotions effectively
- Learn and integrate new information
- Experience the full range of emotions
- Recover from stress and challenge
This is where healing, learning, and growth happen. It’s our optimal state for therapeutic work, educational engagement, and relationship building.
- Sympathetic State (Mobilization for Survival)
When our nervous system detects potential danger, our sympathetic nervous system activates to prepare us for action:
- Heart rate and breathing increase
- Muscles tense for movement
- Attention narrows to focus on the threat
- Digestive and immune functions decrease
- Cognitive flexibility reduces to prioritize survival thinking
Behaviors we often label as “acting out,” “attention-seeking,” or “defiant” may actually reflect this survival state – the body mobilizing to fight or flee from perceived threats.
- Dorsal Vagal State (Immobilization)
When mobilization doesn’t resolve the threat, or isn’t possible, our dorsal vagal system can activate, leading to:
- Decreased energy and engagement
- Emotional numbing or dissociation
- Reduced physical movement
- Slowed digestion and metabolic processes
- Disconnection from social engagement
What might look like an inability to make decisions or “non-compliance,” “laziness,” or “disinterest” can often be this protective shutdown state – the body’s last-resort survival strategy when fighting or fleeing aren’t viable options.
Transforming Professional Practice
When we view behavior through this polyvagal lens, our fundamental questions shift:
Instead of “What’s wrong with this child?” we wonder “What is this child’s nervous system responding to?”
Instead of “How do I manage this behavior?” we ask “How can I help this nervous system feel safe?”
Instead of “Why won’t they engage?” we consider “What might be activating their survival responses?”
This perspective doesn’t dismiss the importance of boundaries and expectations – rather, it helps us understand that physiological safety is a prerequisite for meeting those expectations.
This blog’s Reflective Invitation
As we begin exploring this framework together, I invite you to notice through this new lens:
- Observe the autonomic states in those you work with:
- What signs of ventral vagal connection do you see?
- When do you notice shifts into sympathetic activation?
- Where do you see evidence of dorsal vagal shutdown?
- Consider your own autonomic patterns:
- What in your professional environment supports your ventral vagal state?
- What triggers your sympathetic activation with certain clients/students?
- When do you notice yourself shifting toward shutdown?
- Reflect on one challenging interaction from the past week:
- What autonomic state might the child/client have been in?
- What autonomic state were you in during the interaction?
- How might this understanding change your approach next time?
I’d love to hear what emerges from these reflections. What new insights or questions arise when you view behavior through this lens?
A thought that continues to guide my work: When we understand that behavior is a nervous system response rather than a conscious choice, compassion naturally grows and judgment diminishes. This shift not only benefits those we serve but transforms our own experience as helpers.
