Hello Incredible Professionals,
Last week we dipped our toes into the co-regulation waters together, reflecting on our own regulatory patterns. This week, I want to share some approaches that have transformed my work – and might just do the same for yours.
Co-Regulation: More Than Just Techniques
In my journey working with children and families, I’ve discovered that co-regulation isn’t about having a perfect toolkit of strategies. It’s about creating a way of being together that invites safety and connection. I think of it as having three beautiful, interwoven strands:
- The Power of Presence: When I first started this work, I was so focused on what to dothat I missed the power of simply being. Your regulated presence – the rhythm of your breath, the warmth in your eyes, the steadiness in your voice – this is the light that helps another nervous system find its way home.
I’ve seen a child shift from complete meltdown to connection simply because someone sat nearby with calm, accepting energy. No words needed. Just the anchor of presence.
Try this: Before your next interaction with a dysregulated child, take 30 seconds to check in with yourself. Place a hand on your heart, take three deep breaths, and set an intention to be the steady presence they can borrow when their own regulation is nowhere to be found.
- Creating Spaces That Speak Safety: Our bodies are constantly scanning our environment, looking for cues of danger or safety. I’ve found small environmental shifts can make profound differences:
In one classroom I worked with, simply lowering the overhead lights and adding soft lamps changed the emotional temperature immediately. In a therapy room, creating a cozy corner with weighted blankets and soft textures gave children a tangible place to feel held when emotions became too big.
Ask yourself: What sensory elements in your environment might be sending “danger” signals to sensitive nervous systems? What small changes might whisper “you’re safe here”?
- Building Bridges to Self-Awareness: Ultimately, our goal is to help children develop their own regulation capacity. This happens through gentle, consistent invitations to notice what’s happening in their bodies.
I love asking simple questions like: “Where in your body do you feel that?” “What color would that feeling be?” “If that feeling could speak, what might it say?”
These questions build the neural pathways connecting sensation, emotion, and meaning – the foundation of emotional intelligence.
Finding Your Co-Regulation Style
What I’ve learned over the years is that effective co-regulation looks different across settings and relationships. What matters is finding authentic ways to embody these principles that feel true to you and your context.
In Educational Spaces: Connection doesn’t have to take a lot of time. One teacher I work with begins each day with a 60-second check-in where students simply place themselves on a feelings chart. This tiny ritual creates a moment of being seen before the busy day begins.
In Therapeutic Relationships: I’ve found that starting sessions with shared regulation activities – even just synchronized breathing with bubbles for 30 seconds – creates a foundation that makes deeper work possible.
In Family Support: Sometimes the most powerful intervention is simply witnessing a parent’s own dysregulation with compassion, creating a space where they can feel their own feelings before trying to hold their child’s.
Rather than a rigid exercise, I invite you to explore with curiosity:
- What elements of co-regulation already feel natural in your work?
- Where do you feel resistance or uncertainty?
- What’s one small, authentic shift you might try this week?
Whatever you discover, I’d love to hear about it. Your insights and questions help our whole community grow deeper in this practice.
A reflection that guides my work: When I find myself focusing too much on changing a child’s behavior, I gently return to this question – “What might their nervous system need right now to feel safe enough to change?”
