A powerful moment of awareness struck me during carpool duty last week. As I listened to my daughter and her friends talk in the backseat, they shared a story that stopped me in my tracks. They were describing a teacher’s response to a “disrespectful” student who was talking in class.
“I’m not scared of him,” one student said, “but he was really scary to look at.”
That sentence landed heavy in my heart. Here was a clear snapshot of what happens when our own nervous system becomes overwhelmed in the presence of children. This adult, likely struggling with his own emotional regulation, was inadvertently expecting children to manage their behavior so he could maintain his calm.
The irony is profound, isn’t it? When we expect children to regulate themselves so we can stay regulated, we’ve got it backwards. Our nervous systems are meant to be the anchor, providing that steady, safe presence that helps children feel secure enough to learn, grow, and explore.
This reminds me of something I often share in my workshops: regulation isn’t about controlling behavior – either ours or the children’s. It’s about understanding our own triggers and responses so we can show up as the steady, supportive presence children need, especially in challenging moments.
Remember, this isn’t about judgement – we all have moments when our nervous system gets the better of us. It’s about awareness and the opportunity to choose a different response next time.
